New Year

The gym industry profits largely off our desire for a fresh start… that rush of hope, energy, and determination we feel between December 31^st and January 5^th every year. The fact of the matter is that these gyms don’t actually have the capacity for the rush of new fitness enthusiasts, but expect to pocket the deposits and subsequent membership fees – that we will put on auto-pay and soon thereafter forget about – from us, so-called “resolutioners”. In this scam, we’re the scammers. We do it to ourselves, we set unrealistic expectations of ourselves because other people we do not and will never know are also setting unrealistic expectations of themselves.

This year, I chose to do something different. When my best friend asked me to write this article, not only was I completely honored and shocked that she chose me, but I was also convicted. If I had taken some typical approach to this article, she would have completely rejected my insincerity, and sent me back to the drawing board (writing pad?). So here they are, my intentions moving forward, set now by this new beginning.

• Rid myself of the need for validation
  I ask for opinions a lot – opinions from everyone, about everything. A negative opinion can ruin my day or completely destroy all interest in a pursuit or hobby, especially when delivered by anyone I consider an authority. It is as I crawl my way out of my second decade of life, I have decided that I do not need permission to live a life that will flash before my eyes only when it comes to an end.

• Forgive myself as quickly and as often as I do my friends – Move on!
  I want to treat myself like I treat my best friend. I want to write my mistakes in pencil and my successes with an extra bold sharpie. I want to repeat as many times as I need to hear that things work out as they should and that we do not have enough power to undo God’s will (or the Universe’s intentions if that’s your higher power) for our lives. I will escape the emotional abuse that I inflict on myself for not living up to what I expect other people’s expectations of me are.

• Clap for myself as loudly as I do strangers
  I cannot begin to name the number of people I have either never met or haven’t spoken to in years, of whom I am extremely proud. You met your weight loss goal? YES! You started a small business? OKAY, SIS! You had a baby? OMG! YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD MAMA! Meanwhile, everything I do feels to me to be too small to be celebrated, too mediocre to be spoken of. Not this year, and never again. I’ll be rooting for myself just as loudly as I do for these people whose paths I stand no chance of ever crossing.

• Be the vibe I want to feel
  Exactly that. No explanation is needed. You know what I mean?

• Live
  Canceling plans, being afraid to travel, rejecting dates… not this year. If I have been taught anything by being stuck in the house, is that the house can be overrated. While I enjoy the peace and safety of home, I now accept that home will be there when I get back. I have gained an entirely new appreciation for a full life now that I have gotten a taste of what felt very near to an empty one. Monotony be damned. In essence, this year, I’M GOING!

• Define the relationships
  I often find myself wondering why certain people felt entitled to my time, energy, and resources in ways I reserve only for those closest and most valuable to me and why I extended myself so much for others I know for a fact would not do the same for me. I’m ashamed to say that the explanation came in the form of a meme. It essentially said that I have former friends and acquaintances thinking they’re friends. I was immediately able to identify the uneven relationships and take steps to reclaim my energy from them, naming them for what they are and treating them accordingly. According to one friend, I found my church and my pew and sat down!

• Be intentional in the pursuit of my desires
  I have watched many of my ideas for inventions advertised by their inventors. Good ideas are nothing without execution, so despite having a wealth of amazing and possibly life-changing ideas, I have nothing to show for it. Well, never again. If comes to me, I will give life to it in whatever way I can. I will no longer allow my fear of failure or humiliation to prevent me from trying. I will follow-through.

• Be realistic about my intentions
  We’ve all read it… “I already messed up, I guess next year will have to be my year instead.” Despite never being guaranteed another year, this defeatist approach to our resolutions is the reason they never achieved. This year if I have a bad day, it won’t become a bad year. I will accept myself as a fallible human and I will try again!

I’ve decided not to conclude this piece (thinking to myself as I write a conclusion to this piece). This is my outline, the bullet points to my year, the guidelines to Project 2021, the promises I will honor, the navigation I will follow as I embark upon this next leg of the journey. I believe that every other goal…. lose 20 pounds, find another source of income, rekindle the spark in my marriage, etc. can be encompassed within these. I won’t say this year is my year because I will not put a deadline on seeing the fruits of my new beginning, but this year is the first I will give my real self a real shot at joy. So go ahead, apply for your gym membership, buy your vegetables, open that new savings account but remember, none of those things can truly define you to the extent of the intentions behind them.

Happy New Year!