A “rainbow baby” is a baby born after the loss of a previous baby due to miscarriage (in utero < 20 weeks gestation), stillbirth (in utero > 20 weeks gestation), or neonatal death (shortly after birth). Rainbow pregnancies can be a very difficult time for couples. The devastation of pregnancy loss can cause lasting trauma and the journey of healing becomes a complex emotional experience. There are often daily battles of grief, anxiety, worry, and despair. Many women who experienced a pregnancy loss go on to have children in the future. Thus the term “rainbow baby” is often used as a reminder that there is still hope, promise, and healing following a stormy situation and season of grief.
Expecting a rainbow baby can be both an exciting and overwhelming time. Although the miracle of a new baby is a symbol of hope and is worthy of celebration, do not be hard on yourself if bonding with your new baby is different from what you imagined. You may still be dealing with grief from your previous pregnancy. Be patient with yourself because healing does not mean ‘forgetting’. Find ways to honor your loss and remember your baby whether it means keeping a diary with your baby’s ultrasound images and notes, growing a special flower, or keeping memorabilia in your house. You may be fearful of another loss and that’s ok. Stay encouraged – there is still beauty after a dark period and hope after despair.
If you are a mother celebrating National Rainbow Baby Day, take some time today to reflect on your experience. Surround yourself with understanding people who will be a strong support system. If you are planning a future pregnancy remember to take special care of your body – nutrition, exercise, and self-care are just as important as cutting out smoking, alcohol, and other drugs. Actively seek help from your OBGYN or midwife and mental health provider. As much as possible, avoid pressuring yourself to heal on your own as women who experience perinatal loss are at increased risk for postpartum depression, anxiety, sleeping disorders, and post traumatic stress. Reaching out to women who have had similar experiences can also be reassuring. There are also several online postpartum support groups such as Pregnancy After Loss Support (PALS) that provide a community for women and couples – find a support group that fits your needs.
For the rest of us who are friends with mothers of rainbow babies here are a few ways you could celebrate the day with them:
- Check-in with the couples to let them know that you are thinking of them. A simple message or short call goes a long way.
- Be respectful of their personal space and be mindful that some may still be grieving.
- Avoid judgment at all times. There are numerous medical reasons for pregnancy loss. Never assume the circumstance or pry for more information from the couple.
- Send a thoughtful gift if you can (e.g. a card, flowers, or keepsake).
- Offer your long-term support and friendship. It helps to know that there are people who care.
Join the efforts to build community and awareness around pregnancy and infant loss. Take some time today to share messages of hope, healing, and support. Visit the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) website to learn more about pregnancy loss.