These are the untold stories of motherhood which I quickly found out after the birth of my baby boy
Breastfeeding
This is hard, don’t let anyone tell you differently. From cracked and sore nipples, clogged cuts, mastitis, low supply to engorgement, it’s a real trip. Finding a style that is comfortable for you is important. Your breast milk does not always come in right away (mine took 4 days) and that can be frustrating. When it finally kicks in, sleeping on your tummy becomes a joke again. If you produce a lot of milk like me, you’re going to have to pump and store (comes in handy). I have found that breastfeeding is one of those things where you must put aside your comfort and understand you’re the life force that drives this tiny human that you brought into this world. Your energy is important during this process. You need to feel relaxed, unwind, and bond with your baby. It is also important to understand that your baby might not latch on as quickly or as well as you would like. This can be frustrating for both of you. Again, bear patience, talk to your baby, and remain calm. You also need to monitor stress. Your body can decrease its milk supply because of how YOU are feeling. Likewise, you need to pay attention to what you eat because some foods can cause your milk to make baby gassy or colicky. LOL.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps”
Yeah right! You’re so terrified or anxious or simply feel the need to just get things done that it’s just not realistic 100% of the time. Deprivation creeps up on you when the baby is up every 2 hours at nights to feed. Sleep is so essential but such a privilege. I found that adrenaline after birth kept me going for a solid 3 days before I crashed, and I crashed HARD. I cried hot and VERY wet tears. I needed to sleep but my baby needed me too. You don’t get it until you’re in it.
Postpartum Bleeding
What a massacre in your drawers! You have to monitor the bleeding – duration, color, presence of clots, look out for odors. Oh, and the more you breastfeed, the more you bleed but that’s good because it helps to promote healing. My bleeding was consistently heavy for about 4 days before it lessened. You change pads so often to avoid infections…you can’t wipe. Taking a dump is an entire wardrobe change. You have to soak your crotch in borderline hot water for a week, maybe two. Tip: Invest in a peri bottle (perineal irrigation bottle) to keep the area clean, and Dermoplast for the soreness and pain (consult your OBGYN before using).
Body Changes
Your body feels so empty after you give birth. Like, there is a literal hollowness. For me, it almost felt like my insides were sloshing around at some point. I held my belly when I had to ‘move quickly’ – I was moving at snail’s pace because of my episiotomy incision. My pelvis took a hot minute before it stopped feeling like a shaky tooth. It literally felt wobbly. Sitting, getting up, or even wriggling off the bed felt uncomfortable to me (such a weird experience).
“Baby Blues”
I have cried EVERY day since my baby was born and this was not because I hate motherhood but because it’s been overwhelming. I didn’t sleep for the first three days of his life. I was not eating well. I was so anxious. The perpetual feeling of not doing enough or not being enough for my baby hit like a ton of bricks several times a day. This was because his dad and my sister would take over so many times to help me get rest or eat. For me, it felt like I was not a part of his life, so I cried. I still cry. I cried last night. “Baby blues” has been being asked ‘what’s wrong?’ and ‘how can I help?’ but not being able to figure out an answer. I know that everyone is excited about the baby, but I feel out of my element and the excitement becomes overwhelming. I feel like I still need to find my groove. It’s hard having someone in your face telling you to ‘do it this way’ or ‘don’t do that’. I prefer people to stay away for now. Maybe I am being mean – not everyone gets this and takes offense. I don’t laugh as much because I am so focused on the baby but now, I am consciously trying to do better.
“Mommy Support”
I don’t know how some of you feel about Mommy groups, but I had a tiny tribe of mothers who would message a group chat throughout the day. It was helpful before birthing and even more so now. To be honest, your friends without babies can only offer so much help and advice. I have realized that connecting with mommies has helped with my anxiety. Just knowing that I am not the only mother going through this craziness, helps. It is not just in my head. I am not overreacting. It is comforting to know that you have people in your corner who are rooting for you and will have your back no matter what. Motherhood is not easy, and my Mommy group taught me how to cope with that.
Home support is also essential. There are days that I would break down and bawl, but Riley’s dad is always there to reassure me that our son has the best mom that life could ever offer to him. Support from friends come in many forms. It may be them taking a step back, not messaging or calling so often, respecting your private space. Or it may be bringing food over because they understand that even super-mommies can’t do it all. Support does not always mean being around, it also involves filling the gaps.
My Greatest Challenge
The most challenging part of motherhood for me has been the baby blues. Mommy guilt can be the worst. I love being a mother. I love my baby. I will be honest and say it’s extremely hard and it is a major adjustment for me. You have to check your priorities EVERY DAY. Should I eat first or bathe after? Can I get a soak in now or wait until bedtime? Do I layer him or just let a vest rock? So many decisions. Despite all this, you need to take care of yourself. Personal hygiene, eat, sleep, get out of the house, do nice things for yourself. Your baby needs the best version of you. Motherhood is not a bed of roses and butterflies. It is rewarding but not perfect. I love my son more than life itself and I say this with no reservations. Being a mom is hard but being his mom is the one thing that I won’t ever give up on.
