Adversity may come into your life unexpectedly catching you unprepared – illness, accidents, sudden death, separation or divorce, misfortune, affliction to name a few. Suddenly, you find yourself in a situation for which you may be ill-equipped and which leaves you bewildered, overwhelmed, and perhaps helpless. What do you do? Surrender passively and await your fate? Ride the waves hoping for a positive outcome? Swim against the tide determined to fight to the end? Whatever your reaction might be, do not allow yourself to be paralyzed by shock and do not go into denial. Rather, be proactive; recognize what is happening or what has happened to you and do something about it. Here are some specific actions you can take in dealing with adverse life-changing situations:
- Assess your situation– With the help of a family member or a close friend perhaps, assess your situation and determine the type of help you might need and how you can access it. Help might appear to be inaccessible due to financial constraints, lack of connections, feelings of confusion and inadequacy, or even physical distance. This is where discussion and brainstorming for options with some other person or persons become useful.
- Seek professional help – If it is determined that you require professional help then you should not delay in trying to access that. If it is a medical issue then you should go to your family doctor who, if unable to deal with your condition, will refer you to a specialist. If it is a psychological, emotional, or mental health matter then you should seek the assistance of a counselor and/or psychiatrist. If it is a spiritual issue you should speak to your priest, pastor, or deliverance minister. If you have no connections with the relevant professional, find someone (a relative, friend, or colleague) who can recommend someone and perhaps even secure an appointment for you.
- Obtain family support –Overall family support is critical, particularly where good relationships exist. Everyone can benefit from the loving support of family; a burden is ten times heavier when borne alone. Begin with the closest persons – spouse, parents, close siblings. Identify those who, from past experience, you are confident will provide the kind of support that you need for your specific situation without being judgmental or gossiping.
- Obtain emotional support from friends –It is said that a good friend can be dearer than a brother or sister. Indeed, there are friendships that have stood the test of time, trouble, illness, and more. If you have a friend whom you can trust to keep your confidence and provide support and sound advice, then you have an ally. Everybody should have at least one such person in their life. Believe me, it is enriching!However, be very wary when selecting friends (or family members for that matter) with whom to share sensitive personal information, for betrayal by someone whom you trust can be awfully damaging; it can aggravate a bad situation and make it infinitely more difficult to bear.
- Cover your job –If the issue is something that affects your job performance, it will be necessary to confide in your supervisor. If there is any strain in this relationship then it might be better to confide in a colleague, another supervisor, or if possible, the boss. The point is that you need to confide in a compassionate, dependable person at work who can help make things easier for you.
- Empower yourself –Technology is literally in the palm of your hand; most people own a mobile device or have access to the internet via libraries, schools, internet centers, or the homes of relatives or friends. There is, in this era, little excuse for ignorance. Make use of online resources. There is a lot of help available via these resources for a fee or free. There are many platforms on which people share experiences and best practices or just offer advice and support to others who are going through valleys that they have already traversed. Simply do a Google search for the type of help you require and you will be presented with a range of options to explore. If you possess good internet skills you might be able to locate specific websites that deal with your issue.
- Pray about it – Prayer helps. Pour out your heart to God and invite others to pray for you as well. Read the Bible. There are many empowering passages in scripture that provide assurance that the Lord is always present to help those who come to him in faith. Our God is a provider, protector, healer, deliverer, redeemer, way maker, miracle worker, and savior among other things. In fact, God, the great I AM, will be to you whatever you need him to be. Therefore “commit your way to the Lord, Trust in Him and He will act” (PS 37:5). Believe that God loves you and will help you.
The life-changing situation which you have experienced or are experiencing might be a call for you to change direction and approach your life from a different angle, perhaps with a new and more positive focus. Adversity, no matter how traumatic, can result in better if it is handled constructively. Even in the death of loved ones, there is an opportunity for growth and renewal. In these COVID-19 times, there is death all around, but many positive stories are coming out of the lockdowns and the sacrifices being made by the front line workers and essential services workers. As the saying goes, “behind every dark cloud there is a silver lining.” The important thing is, in times of adversity do not wallow in self-pity. Cast off your victim mentality and empower yourself to be a victor!
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